If our birthday is the reason for the trip, gorillas are the inspiration and ultimate end game. We’ve been desperate to see gorillas in the wild forever! Finally, we can say that we have done it!

In Uganda, the gorillas mostly live in Bwindi Impenetrable Forest. It’s a tiny little park at only 331 km², but what it lacks in size, it makes up for in excitement! It’s home to the world’s largest population of Mountain Gorillas, with over 600 gorillas.

Bwindi was not declared a national park until 1991. The gorillas were nearly extinct due to the bush meat trade. No, people don’t eat gorillas, they eat antelope. Gorillas just get caught in the crossfire. They can get caught in snares or killed by antelope hunters when they get in the way. So, in 1991 the government kicked all of the Batwa People (Pygmies) and made them live in the village. Now the gorilla numbers are steadily increasing. I can’t remember how many gorilla families there are, but most of them have been habituated.

Habituated. What a fancy word. What does that mean? It means that they are used to people and don’t care if you stand around and take their picture. How do they get habituated? People go and find them. The gorillas get angry and chase them away. The people very smartly run away. Then, the next day, they go find the gorillas again. The gorillas get angry and chase them away. The process is repeated every day until the gorillas stop chasing them away. I think it takes about 2 years to fully habituate them. If we were brave souls, we could have participated in gorilla habituation and spent 4 hours chasing gorillas. Needless to say, we are not that brave, fearless, or athletic!

There are strict rules for visiting the gorillas. You go in groups of 8 people plus the guide, guard, and porters. Obviously, there are a limited number of groups that go each day. Each group goes to a different gorilla family. There is no doubling up and all ending up with the same group of gorillas. The chaos that happened with the chimpanzees doesn’t happen with the gorillas.

We were assigned to track the Kutu family, which means ear in the local language. Supposedly, one of them had a unique looking ear. Hence, the ear family. How do we track gorillas? Well, there’s a group of trackers that goes out in the morning and actually tracks them (based on where they left them the day before). The guide takes you in the general direction and waits to hear from the trackers. This is not as easy as it sounds because, as one might expect, there is horrible cell phone reception in the forest. At one point, we stopped for about 15-20 minutes trying to find signal. They don’t want us to walk in the wrong direction and have to walk back or to scale a mountain unnecessarily. As it was, we were walking on very narrow trails on the side of the mountain with very steep ledges. Most of our hike was on fairly level ground through the forest. There were a few tricky spots and minimal climbing. Although, I was super glad for my porter.

Let’s pause and discuss porters. Anyone who goes gorilla trekking and does not hire a porter is an absolute idiot. And that’s a fact, not an opinion. They carry your backpack for you (My camera is heavy! Not to mention the weight of two bottles of water.) That way, your backpack doesn’t get in the way while you are climbing or traversing a treacherous part of the trail. But the best part is they grab your hand and help you through slippery and tricky parts of the hike. The minimum charge is $20 and more if you are able. Being a porter is a coveted position, and they only get to do it a couple days a month because there are so many people that want to do it. (Now would be a good time to pause and Google the average salary in Uganda. Go ahead. I’ll wait.) Obviously, we paid Blessing and Alexander more than $20. We are a lot of work! Even if you don’t think you need a porter, you should hire one. Even if you don’t have a bag, you should hire a porter, but you should have a bag to carry your water in. What’s another $20 after what you spent to go Gorilla Trekking? Seriously. Support the local economy! Positively impact the community! Help save a gorilla by showing there is more money in tourism than poaching. Don’t be cheap now! Just hire a porter!

Where was I? Oh, we were with a family of 6 from Isreal that looked like they just woke up and said lets go see some gorillas. They didn’t have gloves, so they had to rent them for $5 each. I got mine on sale at the end of the season at Menards for only $7. (Pause to sing–Save big money at Menards…). The parents each hired a porter, but wouldn’t let them hold their hands. The mom had knee surgery 4 months ago and needs the exercise to get better? (like can’t you do that tomorrow? Let him help you!)

It’s hard to say how long we walked to get to the gorillas because we stopped several times. The first time, Sylvia (the guide) sent Joeffrey (the guard) ahead as tribute. We had passed some elephant poop, so I thought she was sacrificing him to the elephants. She claimed she sent him to determine which fork in the road we should take to avoid unnecessary backtracking, but I know better. And we also stopped for about 20 minutes searching for the aforementioned cell signal. It was about an hour and a half after we started that we met up with the trackers.

So, you quickly dig out your camera, drink some water, put on your face mask, and leave your walking stick with the porter. The porters aren’t allowed to go around the gorillas in order to minimize human contact. Then you turn the corner and enjoy the most amazing hour of your life. We were told to keep 20 meters away from the gorillas, but thetwinsontour don’t know the metric system, and apparently, neither do the guide or tracker. They had us within about 5-6 feet of the gorillas. They were everywhere! The Kutu family has 13 members.

One of them even ran up and hit me in the arm before turning around and running back under his shade tree. Unfortunately, there is no video of my near demise, so you will just have to take my word for it. He also hit my sister a few minutes later, but again, there is no videographic evidence. It was the greatest moment of my life!

It’s difficult to get out of their way because we were standing on a bit of incline surrounded by vegetation. Luckily, we did not have to move too much after that. We found them at nap time, rather than feeding time. That means that they are all laying around together instead of moving around looking for their favorite snacks. This makes for AMAZING pictures! We took so many! This should not be a surprise to any of our faithful readers.

The gorillas laid around so we could behold their magnificence while the babies climbed trees and did cute baby gorilla things. Oh, and the Silverback farted. A lot. Gorillas do not like the sun, so they kept seeking shadier areas to rest in, but at a slow and leisurely pace.

Unfortunately, an hour with gorillas is over even faster than my lunch break at work. All too soon, we were bidding adieu to our furry friends and heading back to the porters and our bags. You are not allowed to drink water in front of gorillas or eat in front of them either. They don’t want the gorillas to decide they like fruit snacks or granola bars and become aggressive like those videos of little monkeys that steal your cell phones in Indonesia.  You also can not use a walking stick in front of them because they will see that stick as a sign of aggression. Really, you can’t hold onto a walking stick while taking photos anyway.

Then it was time to trek back to civilization. Miraculously, the trip back was about half as long as the walk in. After clutching the porter’s hand over the tricky, slippery spots, we arrived at a small clearing to eat our snacks and drink more water. Which was about 10 minutes until the end of the hike. We didn’t even have to walk all the way back to the visitor center because there was a road where our guides were waiting to drive us back. All in all, I think I got less than 3k steps in, so little over a mile round trip. This was actually a moderate hike because we are professionals. And parts were slightly grueling. But overall, most of it was pretty level. I think it was called moderate because of the starting point.  We had to cross a little creek bed at the beginning, which makes you think it’s going to be an impossible trek and makes you question your life choices. 

Our clothes got much dirtier doing the chimpanzee trekking than the gorilla trekking because we were not in as thick of vegetation, we walked in a single file line, and we were mostly able to stick to the paths. Our guide, Sylvia, did have a machete to chop at vegetation if it was in the way. And when you get back to the lodge, they take your boots and gaiters off of you. Don’t try to take them off yourself, or they will look at you with sad eyes like Artichoke does when you don’t share your cheese with her. They put some crocs on your feet, and they clean your boots so that they look brand new. Such great service! (And that way, you don’t track mud all over your room.)

I am sure that I have missed a million important things, but that’s all I have for now.

Love,

thetwinsontour

PS.  Oh, oh, oh, I almost forgot. Hot water bottles! They put hot water bottles in our bed each night because its cooler here in the mountains. Such a simple, old-fashioned comfort. I love this part of African safaris! When I noticed that lump under the blankets, it was so hard not to immediately jump into bed and snuggle that hot water bottle with my feet.

Today marks the reason for this trip to Uganda– my birthday! And not just any birthday–this one is a monumental birthday–my Jubilee year. And, every decade deserves an incomparable trip to far flung parts of the planet. Uganda certainly fills all the necessary requirements.

So, it wasn’t a trekking day, but it was a safari day! Have I mentioned how much I love safari? You just never know what you might see. Today was no exception. The game drive started out a bit slow, but then our guide stopped to chat with another safari driver for all the good safari gossip. Before we knew it, we were making a 17-point turn and heading back in the direction we came from. Herbert pulled on his seat belt and took off in hot pursuit of the other safari vehicle. We were speeding along–on the wrong side of the road, mind you–chasing after 2 safari vehicles. We were zooming past elephants, warthogs, and buffalo. Zoom, zoom, zooming. Finally, after about 20 minutes, I had to ask, Herbert, where are we going?! Oh, these guys heard about a lion in a tree. I should have known–only lions and leopard cause that kind of excitement.

And, well, was this maniacal, mad-cap adventure worth it? You bet your britches! There were 4, count them 4, lionesses in a tree! A Euphobia cactus tree! Quite frankly, I think this tree would be very uncomfortable to sleep in, but what do I know? I’m not a big cat. At least there are plenty of branches so you can spread out. Lions sleep in trees to get a better view and to avoid the flies, but mostly, they do it for the Instagram photos.  What a great start to the day! Lions in a tree make any birthday a Great Birthday!

Once you’ve seen lions in an Euphobia Cactus tree, there’s not much else to see. Especially since those lions weren’t showing any interest in hunting a buffalo or a Ugandan Kob. We decided to visit the craft village and do a bit of souvenir shopping. Shopping makes any birthday a Great Birthday!

After that, it was back to the lodge for lunch. Shout out to Elephant Hab Lodge for the towel art cake and Happy Birthday written in flower petals on our beds.  Towel Art makes any birthday a Great Birthday!

Just like those safari ants we mentioned previously, we were very quickly on the go again. This time, we headed to the Kazinga Channel for a boat ride. Yes, the Kazinga Channel! I was not familiar with it either, I just like saying Kazinga. It’s a nice word, isn’t it? Kazinga! The Kazinga Channel makes any birthday a Great Birthday!

We set off down the coastline looking at Kingfisher (birds for you non-ornithologist people out there) and hippopotamus. Then the boat guide, named Innocent, said there was plenty of time later for hippos, and we needed to get to the elephants before the other boats got there and scared them away. So we were off to the favorite spot of the pachyderms. For those of you wondering, we did beat all of the other boats to the elephants. There were tons (I stopped counting at 20) of them just standing around and drinking water and doing elephant things. It was the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. To see the elephants from the water is indescribable. It’s like one of those emotional, life-changing moments. It’s so peaceful just watching elephants be elephants.

Innocent said anyone with a hat could climb up on the roof of the boat for a better view. Luckily, we were both wearing our safari hats which Aldi marketed as gardening hats in theirs Aisle of Shame this Spring–one of our best AOS purchases ever, besides that pink ceramic Christmas tree, but the ceramic Christmas tree doesn’t travel as well as the safari/gardening hat.  AOS makes any birthday a Great Birthday. Oh wait.

I digress, obviously, my sister and I climbed to the roof (probably as complicated as it sounds) to check out the view. My sister was seated at the front, which was probably the safer way to ascend, but I was seated in the back of the boat so I just climbed up from the side of the boat right over the water. Luckily, the German guy was up there to grab my camera for me when I got to the top. Unfortunately, photography gear frequently gets in the way of strenuous athletic endeavors. The German guy went back down below after a few minutes (probably because I crawled in front of him and made him take our picture. We had the whole roof to ourselves with an unimpeded view of my elephants. It was glorious! It was like we were the only people in the world (except for the 9 people below that kept talking) and we had just discovered a new species and decided to call it elephant. Rooftop views of elephants make any birthday a Great Birthday!

After probably 30 minutes, we gracefully descended the roof at the safer spot at the front of the boat and headed off to see the hippos. Innocent was correct. There were plenty of hippos around for our photographic pleasure. We also saw more birds, a monitor lizard, and crocodiles (Supposedly. Sometimes you just lie and pretend to see the crocodile, so they quit asking if you see it?) We saw so much on that 2 hour safari cruise. Highly recommend! 10 stars. Safari cruises make any birthday a Great Birthday!

We had a few extra hours in between the safari cruise and dinner, so we took full advantage of the beautiful infinity pool at the lodge. It’s not 90 degrees like my cousin’s pool, but it was still refreshing. A swim makes any birthday a Great Birthday!

Then, at dinner, as soon as I had finished my dessert, the staff busts out of the kitchen, singing happy birthday and carrying a cake! They kindly verified they had spelled our names correctly in frosting. (Not sure what they would have done if it was wrong, though.) It was good cake. Evidently, the chef is the father of twins, so it made him very happy to make a cake for our birthday. Cake makes any birthday a Great Birthday! (even if it isn’t served with ice cream.)

The next day, we were on the road again! We drove through Queen Elizabeth National Park, which is huge, even if it is only the second largest park in Uganda. Or maybe it’s the African Massage that makes it seem like such a big park.  African Massage is how you refer to bumpy roads, but honestly, the Ugandan version of the African Massage is quite tame.

It was a very slow safari morning. The highlight of the morning was a hyena, and that was before we put the top up. This was the first one we’ve seen in Uganda! It was just running down the road. Herbert was giddy with excitement. He even tried to put his phone on the dash like a dashcam to film it while we were driving. That’s how you know it’s something special. If your guide who does safari all the time is excited, it’s a good thing! Anyways, we were trying to get to the far side of the park called the Ishasha Sector because that’s where the tree climbing lions are most prevalent. It’s a good thing we saw them in the cactus for our birthday because there were no lions to be found anywhere. Herbert stopped every passing safari vehicle and confirmed it,  no tree climbing lions anywhere to be found. They don’t have CB radios here–they just call their friends for the inside scoop or ask the other drivers if there’s anything “good.” We didn’t see any lions, but Herbert’s friend confirmed the lions in the cactus from yesterday were still there today. Makes you wonder if they got stuck on the cactus spines. Like, do we need to call the fire department because there’s cats stuck in a tree?

It is worth pointing out that in the more forested areas of our drive, we saw exactly 5,687,384 baboons. Every single one of them was sitting in the middle of the road. I’m not sure why, but they sit on the paved roads and the dirt roads. They just like sitting in the road regardless of its material. 

Finally, we made it to Bwindi Impenetrable Forest! That means GORILLAS are up next!

Goodbye for now!

Love,

thetwinsontour

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Notice how we are so far behind already that we are doing”parts,” and not “days?” We have been busy non-stop on the go! There are safari ants here in Uganda, and they call them that because they are always on the go with no time for resting. And, boy, I can relate to that!

We’ve done so much, we will never catch up on the blog which is unfortunately pretty normal for us. Let’s give it a shot though.

Chimpanzee trekking! So extraordinary and amazing and awe-inspiring and all the adjectives.

We were in a group of 8 people with a guide named Francis and two guards–one was named Titus and I don’t know the other’s name. Anyways, the guards are armed so they can protect you from aggressive forest elephants and angry chimpanzees. They just shoot “scare shots” in the air if necessary. thetwinsontour did get very excited at the mention of forest elephants–wouldn’t that be A-MAZ-ING? Alas, it was not meant to be. We did however see fresh elephant tracks, elephant dung laden with small orange colored fruit, an elephant “bathtub” where they like to wallow in the mud, and a  CHIMPANZEE eating the undigested fruit scavenged from the elephant dung! Next best thing to an elephant!

Elephant possibilities aside, the star of the show is the chimpanzees. The hike to find them is fairly easy. The trails are well-established and well-maintained. The trail we took had a rickety and sometimes broken boardwalk, but it is still the dry season, so we could just walk beside it. There were quite a bit of tree roots on the path, but nothing of any consequence. We hiked for about an hour. Each group took a different trail in search of chimpanzees, but somehow we all ended up at the same spot josteling for a good view. They do have trackers out looking for chimps in advance. The guard also listens for chimpanzee calls to make sure we are headed in the right direction. Once you find the chimps, you get one hour in their presence. At 9:32 we put on our face masks and suddenly there we were–smack dab in the middle of them. And by them, I mean all the other groups of people. There was one chimp low down in a tree, and one guide was telling his people to get closer. It was basically mass pandemonium like a Black Friday Sale of yore at Walmart where everyone is trying to find where the flat screen TVs are hidden. Yeah, just like that.

That chimp quickly skidaddled up into the treetops. The very, very tall and leafy treetops. They got us into position and pointed up at the trees. We started snapping pictures, but it was not easy with my head tilted back so far like a can opener, heavy camera held above my head, and my glasses fogging over from being in the rainforest. Luckily, they let us pull the face masks down since all the chimps were a million miles up in the sky. We stood around waiting to see if the chimps were going to take a nap or come down lower and eat.

They kept moving us around for a better view, which rarely was in fact better.  Obviously, the chimpanzees don’t stick to the trails, so we were walking through actual forest vines and trees and sloping ground. I was very underwhelmed, thinking this was it–just some tiny blobs in the treetops obscured by leaves, other trees, and an incredibly sore neck.

All of a sudden, one of the chimps was coming down. Francis got us over there quick enough that I was able to get a couple of amazing shots. Then the ape was on the ground! Francis was like GO!, and our group took off, except there was another group of confused Black Friday shoppers that got in my way, so the group got ahead of us a ways. I was following them through the uncut jungle. Then we made it to a fallen log with some branches I was supposed to step on to make it over. Luckily, Francis showed up right then to help me over, and I was able to help my sister. I was following Francis through  jungle vines, over logs, picking up cockleburs on my pants, and dodging tree branches like the intrepid jungle explorer that I am. I didn’t even see the rest of the group ahead of us and was feeling quite proud of myself because I realized I was leading the pack! Cause I am awesome like that! That feeling of accomplishment lasted right until we stopped to watch a chimpanzee way up in the tree, and the German guy behind my sister asked where the rest of the group was. Yeah, they were already there with the guards and had followed that chimpanzee butt all the way through the jungle without losing sight of him. And the nice Irish couple got it on video! Darn!

Once again they were moving us around the base of the trees, and then we were trekking through the jungle again. Somehow we ended up at the pile of elephant dung we had been rightly excited to see earlier. There was a chimpanzee! Just sitting on the ground living his best life eating the undigested fruit from the elephant dung heap. It was glorious, obviously!

I don’t remember the exact chain of events, but we ended up back at the same set of trees several times that we had “followed” that chimp to. And then somehow we were in front of a fallen tree with a BABY CHIMPANZEE, a momma chimpanzee, and another chimp. The two big ones were grooming each other and eating bugs while the baby did cute baby things. We just stood there taking pictures through branches and leaves, twisting and turning to get the best angles. I have no idea how long we stood there, rapt by their antics. Then at 11:33, Francis called Last Picture, so the joy-bringing trio of chimpanzees got up and walked away. They were like, finally I can stop posing for pictures!

This is truly one of the greatest things I’ve ever done, so far. Even better than that one time I picked out the perfect papaya that was just the right amount of ripeness and deliciousness–which is not an easy feat and has never been duplicated.

The walk back to civilization was much quicker, only about 20 minutes. And Herbert was right there waiting for us with the vehicle.  But let me tell you, I was a muddy, filthy mess. My boots were caked with mud and my long sleeve shirt is disgusting. That’s the sign of a truly amazing adventure!

After a delicious lunch back at the lodge (I have to throw that in because you know Momma worries that I don’t eat when I travel.) we headed to Uganda’s second largest national park, Queen Elizabeth National Park which was renamed after Queen Elizabeth visited in 1954.

Guess what? We stopped at the Equator too. There’s a giant monument there. It’s just on the side of the road–you don’t have to pay admission or dig out your passport for registration. There’s not even a building, souvenir shop, wash room, or any vendors.

Then as we were about 10 minutes away from our lodge, there was a car stopped on the other side of the road. We were like, what are they looking at? I kid you not, there was a magnificent LEOPARD sitting on a dead tree trunk about 10 feet from the side of the road. And it just sat there forever! I have a million identical pictures, and they are all glorious! I’m not deleting a single one! After a few minutes, he jumped down into the grass to hide. We waited quite a while, staring intently into the grass but he never popped back up–not for lack of us desperately hoping to the contrary.

That pretty much sums up chimpanzee day. What a great day it was!

Love,
thetwinsontour

ps. They had entertainment at the lodge–kids from the local orphanage singing and having the best time. There was only a small handful of spectators, but that doesn’t stop them from having a great time. They even serenaded us with a birthday song–the longest birthday song I have ever been subjected to in my entire life. I have it all on video–three videos, actually. I kept thinking they were done, but i think all 20 of them had to sing a solo, throw flower petals at our heads, and dance in front of us. After 10 minutes, when I was covered in flower petals and flowers, they were finally done. 10 minutes!

Hello from Uganda! We’ve been here a couple of days now, and everything has been AMAZING!  We are currently in our Toyota Land Cruiser safari vehicle moving at warp speed towards Kibale National Park where we will go chimp trekking tomorrow (I can’t even!). It’s supposed to be a 6-7 hour drive, but Herbert seems determined to make it there much faster. We’ve slowed down to 80 kph, but most of the time we are at 90 kph. It’s fast, especially when we are passing motorbikes carrying lumber, or children with water jugs, or goats laying in the road.  Despite what I recently read, the roads in Uganda are excellent so far–not a single pothole anywhere. However, there are millions of rumble  strips that do not slow us down at all and quite a few speed bumps–mostly in towns; but also seemingly randomly in the middle of nowhere.

We spent the past 2 nights at a lodge in Murchison Falls National Park–the largest national park in Uganda–at close to 4,000 square kilometers.  It’s home to the most giraffes I’ve ever seen and 4 of the Big 5. Rhinos went extinct in Uganda in 1983, so the only rhinoceros are in the sanctuary we visited the first day. More on that later, maybe.

MFNP was once home to a very large population of elephants, but the same political unrest that wiped out the rhinoceros also led to massive ivory poaching. Now, there are about 4,000 elephants up from just “hundreds.” None of them have very large tusks because of that whole survival of the fittest/natural selection thing.  There are also zero zebras here, but I don’t know why.

Can you believe that it’s been 10 years since we’ve been on (an African) safari? Way too long! Especially since it’s one of my most favorite things ever. It’s hard to describe what it feels like to drive through the park with your head sticking out the roof, camera ready, and then boom! there it is–the elephant of your dreams munching on some leaves, or a buffalo wallowing in the mud, or my new favorite antelope–the Jacksons Hartebeast–hiding in the shade of a palm tree. It’s just magical, and it makes my heart so very happy. It’s addicting really–always hoping to get a better picture than the last one, which  coincidentally you already thought was the most amazing picture you ever took.

We left the lodge at 6:30 in the morning for a 3-4 hour game drive. They always start that early in the morning for the best animal sightings, and I happily set my alarm for that! Anyways, we were gone for nearly 5 hours. We saw elephants, hippopotamus, giraffes, warthogs, Ugandan kob, Jacksons Hartebeast, a fish eagle, the smallest antelope found in Uganda, buffalo, waterbok, and a lioness in a tree! Obviously, it was breathtakingly amazing.

It’s incredible how quickly your eyes grow accustomed to spotting animals, and its impossible not to call them out with an excited shout to your sister, even if it’s the 3,812th Ugandan kob that you have seen. The best way to describe this is the excited way you point out cows every time you see some, or the way your breath catches when you see a deer grazing while walking on the trail behind your house. Unlike the deer that you take a picture of every single time so that you can text a picture to your Uncle David, it’s impossible to stop and get a photo of every single antelope in the park.

However, no matter how good I think I am at spotting wildlife, I will never be able to spot a leopard in a tree like my guide. We were just cruising along when Herbert stopped all of a sudden and said there’s a leopard.  I’m like, WHERE? He points at a tree about 500 miles away and says he noticed the leg hanging from a branch. I have no idea how he saw it! Even with my camera zoomed all the way, it was still difficult to see. The cool thing is, we were the first to find it, so nobody else was there.  Rockstars! Of course, other vehicles soon followed. 

***extended multiple day pause***

It rained on us while we were driving, but luckily the rain stopped by the time we made it to Kibale.   We had an optional community tour which would have been miserable in the rain because we were walking all over the place.  Luckily, they had gum boots for us to wear (which are NOT comfortable–I could feel every rock I stepped on.) since it was muddy outside.  Normally, we avoid community visits  because they seem so fake and like no one wants to be there, but this one was fantastic. So glad we did it. 

So, this was a walk through a local community, with maybe 130 people if I am remembering correctly. We had our own personal guide, Stella, and her protégé, Ingrid. First stop was the local water pump– they can always get water out of the pump as it never runs dry. Evidently, the water comes from underground and can be used for cooking, cleaning, and drinking–I did not sample it.

Then came the basket weavers. They weave baskets with dried palm fronds, raffia, papyrus, and the list goes on. And, boy, let me tell you, this is not easy. They had me try and stich a basket. They use a store bought needle, which I have no idea how they get threaded, and stitch the fibers round and round in a circle. But, I couldn’t even manage to pull the needle through! My fingers kept sliding off the needle! That needle was going nowhere. There goes my shot at becoming a professional Ugandan Basket Weaver, which is probably just as well as it takes a week to make a trivet the size of a dinner plate, which only sells for $10. After a few minutes of that,  they got up and started singing traditional songs. Again, normally, people performing in cultural shows look like they are dead inside and just trying to be done as soon as possible, but these ladies were so happy and having the best time. Their joy was contagious. 

After that, we went to meet the coffee queen.  They grow coffee and bananas together here in this region.  We got to grind the coffee beans with a giant mortar and pestle. And then they were singing again! Coffee Queen, Coffee Queen, woo! We’ve seen plenty of coffee being ground and processed before, so normally, we’d skip this, too.

After that, it was time for the banana man who makes banana juice, banana beer, and banana gin.  He knows every single banana saying, and has them all on t-shirts.  Make Bananas Great Again. Let’s Go Bananas. Every Day is Banana Day. No Banana No Party. It’s BA:NA:NA o’clock. We may have been unable to control ourselves and bought banana t-shirts. But hey, they were green and purple. It was meant to be.

Anyways, he makes banana juice by hand. Absolutely fascinating process. First, he grabbed a bottle of water and scrubbed his hands with a scrub brush.  Then he popped open some baby bananas and tossed them in a bowl. He mashed the bananas with his hands and then threw some banana leaves in the mixture to act as a filter for the juice. It takes a lot of squeezing and washing to get any juice, and then you water it down with some bottled water. Once you have it all beat into a giant mass of goop and banana leaves, you make a funnel with a giant banana leaf (also rinsed off with bottled water), put the funnel in the now empty water bottle, and then wring out that mass of banana stuff like you are wringing water out of a wet towel. Violá banana juice. We drank it, and it was delicious. However, I don’t think I can repeat this juice making process at home because I don’t know where to get fresh banana leaves or anything other than disgusting Cavendish bananas. Banana beer made with fermented banana juice and sorghum is also delicious–it tastes a lot like cider. Banana gin 40% alcohol is not for me. Banana gin 60% alcohol is only palatable when mixed with banana juice.

The day is not over! We still had to go on the swamp tour! This starts out in an old garden full of trees and guava trees full of monkeys! Red tailed monkeys eating guava! Black and White Colubus monkeys eating some other kind of fruit. Red Colobus monkeys! There are actually 7 different primate species in the swamp area, but we only saw these three. My neck was getting sore looking up at the monkeys, but it was worth it! We were there during monkey dinner time, so we didn’t find any others.

Then we said, “Sure, we will walk through the swamp.” There’s a “boardwalk” that goes through it. It’s replaced every 2 years and is due for an upgrade at the end of the upcoming rainy season. This means that half the boards are broken or missing, and the other half are on their way to be broken or missing.  And I guess they ran out of boards because most of the remaining ones were just circular branches cut in half that are a little tricky to walk on wearing gum boots.  Our guide would not let us carry our own cameras or cell phones. She put them in her backpack for safe keeping, which was a great idea. Then, about 25% of the way, she grabbed my hand and helped me along the rest of the way. Thank goodness! It was slippery and treacherous.  Luckily, it was fairly short, or you may have never seen thetwinsontour again. If it weren’t monkey dinner time, we would have been able to see more different species of monkeys in the swamp. But, honestly, I don’t know how that would have worked, standing on a rickety boardwalk with missing planks, looking up into the trees, and trying not to slip or lose my balance.

And then we were done. The end!

Love,

thetwinsontour

PS–sorry we ran out of time to talk about the rhinoceros sanctuary or the waterfall at Murchison Falls. Maybe later. (Which generally means we won’t.)

Greetings from Greenland!

Today is a lesson in flexibility and going with the flow. The schedule and all of our carefully planned activities have been thrown out the window, washed out to sea, and eaten by a whale. What is the problem, you ask? FOG!

The fog is wreaking havoc across Greenland. All flights in and out of Ilulissat have been canceled for yesterday and today, including the one we are supposed to be on. Tomorrow isn’t looking promising either. But, no worries, Air Greenland has kindly rebooked us. For Thursday. Today is Sunday. The main problem  with this plan  is our flight home leaves on Wednesday, which our clever readers  will note is the day before our rescheduled  flight back to Nuuk. There are no roads out of here (which the thousands of cars cruising the 3 streets through town must not realize).The only way out is by air or by sea. Not that I could find a boat (or paddle a kayak), but it is even too foggy for the fishermen to go out. That means 4 extra days in Ilulissat. Ilulissat may be Greenland’s third largest city, but there isn’t really that much to do here.

We spent our morning trying to book accommodations for tonight. Which is not easy when everyone is stuck in town with no place to go. The hotel we are staying at offered to book us in one of their deluxe private cabins, as that was all they had available. Of course, they have dynamic pricing (the more people looking for a room, the more expensive it gets.) They said it could be anywhere from 3.000-5.000 Kroner a night! That is $450-$700 a night! No way Air Greenland will reimburse that! Best to take our chances–if worse comes to worst, Air Greenland has emergency accommodations available! Of course, there are ony 150 cots set up in the school gymnasium. (The cots seem to be owned by a Filipino lady who has lived in Ilulissat for 12 years and seems to be the coordinator for all catastrophes in town while owning a restaurant, a café, and a steak house a half hour flight away?)

Anyways, we managed to get one room at our same hotel for Sunday night, nothing for Monday. And last night we were able to book our same hotel for Tuesday through Thursday. So hopefully there are no more hiccups.

Sidenote– sitting in my hotel room with the window open and the huskies down the hill are going crazy– must be dinner time.

Ok, so, what to do with our extra day in Ilulissat? Great question. We decided to hike the Yellow Trail today! (We have already done most of the excursions, and everything is closed on Sundays.) Luckily, we have befriended a nice German lady who is also stranded. She is an experienced hiker and much more sure-footed than I am. So, we met up at The Hangout Cafe, but the fog was so dense that we just sat and stared forlornly into the distance. (Picture the look Artichoke gives you at 4:07pm when you haven’t fed her dinner yet, and that was the expression mirrored on our faces.) It isn’t safe to hike in dense fog because you might lose your way if you can’t see the trail markers. There are no ropes to guide you from the house to the barn to milk the cows in a blizzard. You have to be able to see those yellow dots! And then to figure out how to get to said yellow dot, climbing rocks, stomping in mud, and circumnavigating small pools and puddles. While also being awed by the scenery and all it’s gloriousness. Once the fog started to lift a teensy bit, we took off like a herd of turtles for the yellow trail!

Ya’ll know I am clutzy. And I have big feet. And I am not sure-footed. But, I am determined. And not afraid to go on my hands and knees if need be to traverse a perilous spot. Or a non-perilous one. I am not picky. Despite all my precautions, I still managed to slide down a not slippery rock and nearly fall 3 feet to my doom! My feet just slid! Even in my hike-appropriate boots! (They did keep my feet dry in the few sloshy areas we had to cross.) Luckily, I just have a dirty knee on my pants and a small scrape. Nothing broken. But, if I did break a leg, I could probably get airlifted out of here instead of waiting for Air Greenland to get me on a flight…. and throw in a few more passengers to balance the load….. 

Oh, well. I am fit as a fiddle. And my trusty German hiking guide meandered across the rugged terrain with her hands in her pockets, while I carefully and cautiously placed each foot with extreme precision to avoid any further mishaps. This trail was only 2.7 kilometers long, but it took us nearly 3 hours. There were infrequent photo stops–it was so foggy you couldn’t see the water or the icebergs even though they were right there. We were climbing up and down and around all these rocks and boulders. Not really sure if I will be able to move tomorrow, but I am a hiker! I was one with nature! And, this was free! No money spent. (Which is good because credit cards were down across all Nordic countries yesterday and today–and I have no Kroner and very few dollars.) Of course, I am not sure I should ever attempt a hike on my own without a trusty German friend. This may be the last hike I ever do “on my own.”

After trekking halfway across Greenland, your fearless explorers were famished! We headed back downtown to eat at Cafe Iluliaq. By now it was 4 o’clock, and we hadn’t eaten lunch (due to a large, late breakfast and the hike taking 3 hours) We did each have a handful of Tuc Crackers towards the end of our hike–which gave us just enough energy to make it to the cafe. Today, I opted for another Musk Ox burger. I swear, I think this was a full kilo of musk ox.  The burger was huge. I liked my Musk Ox burger the other day better than today’s fare, but this was still tasty and hit the spot. Which is good because it was both lunch and dinner! Even better, our German friend had enough meal vouchers from Air Greenland due to her missed flight that she was able to pay for all of our dinners! Free dinner! (We were told Air Greenland would call us, and we didn’t need to go to the airport for vouchers. Which of course did not happen.)

Never one to pass up an occasion to celebrate important holidays, after lunch/dinner, I drug my weary bones back uphill to the grocery store. You know what I needed, right? Ice cream! It’s National Ice Cream Day. I tried to not get something I could get at home. So I picked out this green thing covered in chocolate. I had no idea what it was and picked it because it was green–for Greenland. What could be better than green in Greenland? Well, the answer is, almost everything. Turned out to be a green popsicle of undetermined flavor with a chocolate covered cap. Quite frankly, it was an odd combination. But I ate my ice cream novelty anyway. Maybe I should have just gotten the $5 Magnum Bar.

We then walked back down the hill and to our hotel–which is on the top of another hill. Taxis to the hotel are $12. Gotta save moolah, if I am going to be spending the foreseeable future here. This was a 20k step day. All I wanted to do was enjoy the ambiance of the hotel room I worked so hard for! I just sat in my chair, writing this blog for your reading enjoyment, watching the fog roll in, and out, and in again, while the sun continued to shine through and blind me.

Tomorrow is another day. We will see what it brings. According to the weather alert I just got, it is dense fog tomorrow morning.

Goodnight! Sleep tight! For some reason the room darkening curtains are about 3 inches too short to cover up the window, and the sun will not set for a few more days. My circadian rhythm is shot!

Sleep tight.
Thetwinsontour

Today is a day we have been looking forward to because we have a full day trip to see Eqi Glacier (but when they say it, it seems like there is an R in there, like eck-ree and say it all in the back of your mouth). Eqi Glacier is a huge glacier farther up north that is supposed to calve a lot.

We started off on the boat at 9am, after taking an overpriced taxi to the meeting point because the City Bus runs on a different schedule on the weekends. I always forget about weekends when I travel. It was kind of drizzly and foggy out, so we were hopeful that there was no fog up at the glacier because that would obstruct our whole view and reason for being there. 

Our boat was divided up into 4 booths and there were 4 groups of people, so we didn’t have to share with any strangers–which was a good thing. It also had a ladder up to the roof, which we could go up on when the boat was stopped. It even had a little bathroom downstairs, which is also a good thing to have on a 6 hour tour. The interesting thing about boat trips in Greenland is that in addition to life vests, they also have to carry safety suits, which I guess are like dry suits to keep you warm in the heart-stopping, hypothermia-inducing, cold water–if only Jack had had a safety suit, we wouldn’t have to wonder if there was room on that door for him with Rose. Speaking of The Door, the iceberg that sunk the Titanic was from Greenland and probably from Ilulissat, where we are staying. The people of Ilulissat will tell you it absolutely, unequivocally, 100% was from Ilulissat. 

Anyways, the schedule was drive for 2 hours to the glacier, bask in the glory of the glacier for 2 hours while eating lunch, and then drive back for 2 hours with a couple of little pit stops along the way. First stop was a cool waterfall because everyone, and thetwinsontour are no exception, loves a good waterfall. We also made a quick stop to see some more cliff-nesting birds.

The Eqi Glacier is supposedly massive, but it looks quite small. It’s a glacier that comes right up to the water, and moves at a speed of 11 meters per day. Whoa! That’s fast for a giant piece of ice! I think.  It does extend 4 km back on land. It makes sounds like thunder as it moves, shifts, and breaks. I think most of the calving was happening on the inside of the glacier (if that’s possible). I heard lots of explosive, rumbling thunder, but only saw some small bits calve once. I kept trying to video just in case though. A wall of ice makes for extremely riveting video. If you are lucky, we will share some to our multiple social media accounts. This is an ideal time to remind you to like and follow thetwinsontour on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and WordPress.

Unfortunately, it did start to rain while we were there. Just a light rain, but it was enough precipitation that I felt the need to dig out my rain coat. Not just any raincoat, my Antarctica raincoat! Look at me using supplies I already owned! So, really it was a great economical decision to come to Greenland since I already have the raincoat! I also brought my waterproof Antarctica pants. Luckily, the weather has been lovely, and the pants have been unnecessary. 

The trip did include a lunch. I have no idea what it was, but it was tasty. I wish I was better at identifying grains. It was either couscous or quinoa, I can never remember which is which, with some veggies mixed in and some bread thing that tasted suspiciously like tuna. They also scooped a block of “black ice” which is super clear ice with no air bubbles out of the water. Then they broke it up with an ice pick and hammer so we could have glacier ice in our Coke! I don’t usually like ice, but no way I was passing up Glacier Ice!

While we ate, our driver told us about how he comes up to Eqi Glacier to seal hunt with his sled dogs. Needless to say, after lunch we cornered him so we could get real information about sled dogs from a real Greenlandic person from Ilulissat, instead of getting it from Danish tour guides that are just here for the summer. It turns out, most of the information we shared the other day was only partially correct. Here is what he told us in no particular order:
*In the summer, they feed the dogs every other day because they are just laying around and sleeping, so they don’t need much. So this is not twice a week like we were told previously.
*His dogs are more like pets, so he feeds them every day.
*His dogs are getting some leftover seal tonight, so they will be very excited.
*Normally, they just get regular old kibble dog food.
*In the summer, he mixes the kibble with water. Dry kibble makes them thirsty, and he needs to make sure they have enough water to last the day. Wet kibble keeps them from getting thirsty, especially if they splash their water out of their bowls like my Lucy Baby used to do.
*He has taught his dogs to sit, roll over, and shake. Everyone teases him about this because apparently you are not supposed to teach your sled dogs tricks.
*I begged him to get coats and clothes for his dogs. I told him he would be Instagram famous if he did. Can you imagine sled dogs in matching coats or banana split costumes racing across the ice and snow? It would be AMAZING!
*There are only 2 “Danish” dogs in Ilulissat. They are drug sniffing dogs that work at the airport.
*North of some settlement that I don’t remember, they are only allowed to have Greenlandic dogs.
*If you take your Greenlandic dogs south, you will be forced to put them down. This happened recently, and it was on the news.
*South of that settlement, there are only “Danish” dogs. Danish seems to refer to every other type of dog. My sweet Artichoke is a Danish dog, or she would be if she lived in Greenland. He said his friend in Nuuk had a small Danish dog that barks a lot–a chihuahua.
*He pays 300 kroner (with the current exchange rate, about $47) per year to the city for his plot of land where he keeps his dogs.  (There is only one backyard in all of Ilulissat or maybe Greenland./ It’s the church parish where the priest lives. So the dogs live just wherever, but not in your yard since there are no yards.You don’t own land in Greenland, just your house.)
*It doesn’t matter if it’s a rocky plot or a grassy plot. All the dog plots cost the same.
*He prefers the stone plots with no grass because that way they aren’t getting dirty rolling around in the mud. The stones also help to file their nails.

That is all of the pertinent dog facts for now because we are going to ignore the unsavory, compassionless side of only keeping the best puppies and sled dogs.

So, as you can guess, I just kept taking pictures of the glacier. We were stopped about 800 meters (just shy of a kilometer) from it for safety. And, that way we could get the whole glacier in without using panorama mode.

Evidently, in the winter the whole area freezes. Boats can’t get up to the glacier because all the hunks of icebergs freeze– and it is solid enough that you can take dog sleds out on it to hunt seals. They can hook the dogs up fan style instead of kindergarteners-holding-a-rope-on-a-field trip style because there are no trees to circumnavigate. They just come to an island as close as they can, park the boat, unload the dogs, and start hunting. (This is a way of life, so we must respect it even if we don’t like it.)

Anyways, after taking a million identical photos, it was time to head back to town. Not gonna lie, the inside of the boat was nice and cozy and my eyes refused to stay open. That is, until the tour guide said the magical word–Whale! We were out that door as quickly as we could go. They even stopped and let us up on the roof for a while. As this appeared to be a single, lone wolf humpback, I stood back and let others get their photos. After a few minutes, it was back downstairs so the boat could speed again. Safety first! If you fell off the roof into the water, in addition to being all wet, you would be dead in 3 minutes. It is that cold– think of all the ice. Think of Jack and The Door.

We were back in town right on schedule at 3pm.  We had planned to do a bit of souvenir shopping at the 2 shops in the city center, but they were closed! And it was another cruise ship day. Imagine being closed with a huge influx of cruisers wandering around town. It just does not make good business sense. 

Walking back to the hotel, we walked past the Fish & Chips food truck and decided that would be the perfect dinner even though we don’t eat fish. However, it was far too early to eat dinner. Do you know what we did? We stopped and asked what time he closed. What great planning! That way we could properly coordinate our hotel departure time with the hours of the Fish & Chips truck. Brilliant! The answer is 7pm, he was open until 7pm.

That gave us a few hours to go back to our hotel.  At this point in our trip, we’ve tried to give up taking a taxi to and from town because that costs about 74 kroner ($12) each time even though its just a 3-4 minute drive. So, we made the 20 minute walk back up that dreaded hill to our hotel, so that we could walk back down it a few hours later.

We made it back to the food truck with plenty of time to spare. This was our most economical meal so far! We decided that we could split the large portion instead of getting two smalls (which would still have been one of our cheaper meals). It was 190 kroner for the meal deal that came with a Coke. Unfortunately, the credit card machine was down and we have not pulled any money out of the ATM because 1. we haven’t really seen an ATM anywhere and 2. we’ve been able to pay with card for everything. Luckily, our German friend that we met had tagged along with us and she had kroner and paid for our dinner.

Back to Fish & Chips, I did confirm that it was fresh Greenlandic Cod caught by the local fisherman that morning. Yes, that fresh! But it, of course, was not caught by the guy working there. We got 4 giant pieces of it. It was quite mild and tasty. However, there was no malt vinegar, just some tarter sauce stuff which was kind of plain and boring. So maybe if you are planning a trip to the food truck you should go to Long John Silvers and grab a few extra packets of malt vinegar. 

After stuffing ourselves on freshly caught and freshly fried cod, we went to find the ATM he told us about. It may be the only one in town? At least its the only one on the map. We knew we were in the right spot because there was a line of about 20 people.  After waiting a while, some people started talking Greenlandic,and the guy in front of us gave up and left. Then someone walked away with no money. Then a lady got some money out and she did a little celebration dance. Finally, it was our turn. I put in my PIN and completed my transaction, but then it was just clocking until it said it could not communicate with my bank. No big deal because stuff like that happens sometimes depending on ATM brand, time of day etc. So we tried my sister’s ATM card, and got the same result. Travel pro-tip: always travel with different ATM and credit card accounts than your travel partner in case of issues like this or lost/stolen cards. You should not both bring cards from the exact same account because if you have to put a stop on the account, what will you do with no working card? Who even knows how or where to Western Union money anymore? It’s also a good idea to have a debit account with a small amount of money that you use only for travel, that way if you lose the card, the bad people don’t have access to your life savings. It’s best to get a debit card that does not have transaction fees like Schwab because those fees can add up quickly, especially if the bank/ATM limits the amount of money per withdrawal. Great tips, even if they did not help me this time. I later found out that the credit network used in Greenland, Denmark, and most of Scandinavia was down. It was a huge issue impacting millions of people.

On that long winded note, I am going to call this enough for one day. Have a good night!

Love,
thetwinsontour

There are so many whales in Greenlandic waters, it is impossible to not see them. That is, unless you are thetwinsontour. Remember that midnight ice fjord cruise we took the other day? They ALWAYS see whales swimming around the icebergs. ALWAYS. There is even a name for the tunnels that form in the icebergs–whale garages because whales like to hang out there in the rain so that they don’t get wet (at least that’s the story they tell the tourists.) Did we see any whales amongst the glorious icebergs? Nope! Not a single one.

It’s also really common to see whales as you are walking along the boardwalk to get to the iceberg vista. We walked there twice and did not see a whale.

I’ve also heard people say that they watched whales frolicking in the bay from their hotel room windows.  My room has a giant window facing the bay. Have I seen a single whale from my hotel room? Nope! Not a single one.

So disappointing!

We decided today is the day we are finding some whales! When we looked last night, most of the whale watches were fully booked, but we did find a 10am tour. This seemed ideal because we could do this in the morning, eat lunch, and then have the afternoon free to explore or hike. The perfect plan! We even walked down the hill to the harbor last night to scout out our meeting place and time the walk from the hotel. We were super prepared!

This morning, we walked down our pre-scoped out route to the harbor, and then we realized it was cruise ship day which means mass chaos and complete pandemonium. There were people in matching blue coats everywhere. No one looked like they were there for a whale watch tour. I kept scanning the crowd for someone to confirm that I was indeed in the right place and had indeed found the right spot during our reconnaissance. I finally found a friendly looking Danish guy that was not with the cruise ship crowd, and he confirmed I was indeed in the correct place, and the boat would show up soon. That was a relief because I was worried I would become one with the faceless cruise ship masses and miss my whale watch. Finally we saw a little yellow boat with the tour company name pull up next to the cruise ship tender. What a relief!

Do you know why I couldn’t find anyone else that looked like they were on our whale watch? Because we were the only 2 people! It ended up being a private tour even though we booked it at the last minute. It was a tiny little boat, so it would have been crowded with more people.With our hearts full of hope, we headed north to the heart of whale country.  The driver said he can usually see them right near the harbor, but we saw nothing. We drove and drove with our eyes constantly scanning the horizon,  but we couldn’t find any whales.

Finally, after about an hour, we stopped by a cliff full of nesting birds. There were thousands of them sqwacking and flying around.  It is a government protected site.  Our driver wasn’t sure if they migrate or are there year round because he is from southern Greenland just here for a summer job. While we took pictures of the evil birds, he scanned the horizon for whales. Alas, there were none. We started back to town, ever vigilant for signs of whale life. It was like we were living in a wide, wide world without wonderous whales (can’t think of anymore Ws to continue the alliteration at the moment). We spotted some seals, but they dove deep before we could even grab our cameras. So sad.

Before we knew it, our 2.5 hour whale watch was over, and we had not seen a single whale. I am not sure who was more upset, the driver for not delivering any whale sightings or thetwinsontour for being under a whale curse. I get the feeling that usually whales are just like the squirrels and birds in Snow White’s forest, just flocking around and impossible to avoid because they are dancing at your feet.

With heavy whaleless hearts, we headed back up the hill to our hotel. But, as you should know, thetwinsontour do not take no for an answer when it comes to whales! We were determined that today would be a whaley great day!

I pulled up my phone and found a whale watch for 3pm, and I BOOKED IT WITHOUT THINKING TWICE. Talk about last minute–we only had about an hour and a half before our second whale watch of the day. We quickly scarfed down suitcase food and suitcase snacks for lunch. Sorry, I do not have time to explain the intricacies of purse snacks versus backpack snacks versus suitcase snacks. This is a blog about whales, not the eating habits of thetwinsontour.

We raced back down the hill to the boat dock. This time around we knew how to avoid the cruisers. We saw a little green boat powering into the bay, but the cruise tinder was hogging the dock while they waited on one person to hobble down the hill. As soon as the tinder pulled away, another boat swooped into the dock. Our little green boat was determined, though! They just hooked up to that interloper and had us cut across that boat to get to ours. Then we were out of there–moral of the story–don’t mess with the green boat!

This was not a private tour this go around. There were 6 other people. Luckily, the outside viewing area was large enough for all of us. They told us we were headed about half an hour north because whales had been spotted there. I was immediately skeptical as we had been north earlier and there was not a single whale. However, like I said–never doubt the little green boat. They quickly led us to a group of 3 humpback! (It probably helps that there were 2 other boats stopped watching.)

As you might have guessed, it was amazing! You never know where the whales will surface, kinda like whack-a-mole. However, the best trick is to watch the sea gulls. If the gulls start squawking and converging on the water, this is where the whales will be! The whales are pushing fish to the surface, and those gulls want that fish! (Especially since there is no place for them to get French fries.) Then you will hear the whoosh of air coming from the whale’s blowhole, then their backs swimming along, arching into the water, and finally a tail fin flip as they dive down into the water for more fish. Over and over. There is about 5 minutes or so between each cycle. We watched this phenomena for 2 full hours. I was actually getting whale fatigue, when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye, I saw a whale breach completely out of the water! Of course I didn’t catch it on camera, and neither did anyone else. I never saw them do it again. I don’t even know how these things can leap in the air like that. I can barely hoist myself out of the swimming pool. These things are 14 meters long and weigh 25 tons! They are massive!

Lesson learned, I did not take my eyes off the water for the remainder of the tour. Of course, the whale never breached again.

Now, for the record, here is something thetwinsontour will never do: kayak amongst whales! Crazy tourists (I think they were German) showed up and put kayaks in the water and kept paddling toward the whales! Just, nope! What if they flipped you? How can you take photos and paddle for dear life at the same time? Just nope. We headed back to the harbor soon after the kayaks showed up, so I didn’t have to watch them gleefully risking life and limb.

For dinner we decided to walk into town for a local experience. We had decided on the Ilulissat Café for–wait for it–Pad Thai! (How so many restaurants have Thai food, I do not know.) This variation of Pad Thai was good, but with a Greenlandic twist–green beans and baby carrots!

That pretty much sums up Day 4 in Greenland. Much more adventure still to come!

Love,
thetwinsontour

This morning, we had our guided walk of the boardwalk to the icebergs that we did on our own yesterday. so this time we learned about the history of what we saw yesterday. Our guide told us about all of the waves of Inuk people that came to Greenland thousands of years ago. Of course, I don’t remember the details, and they would just bore you anyway.All I remember is that there are no written records and that they have never found a burial ground. We saw the icebergs again and took more pictures. Lots more pictures. I think they looked completely different from the day before, but they looked pretty much the same in my photos. I guess you had to be there. 

After the hike, we were looking at the map of the other trails. The red trail looked fairly easy because we saw people walking on it. it was also the shortest of the trails. It said it was only one kilometer, so less than a mile. We decided it was within our hiking skills and abilities, so we stayed to walk that hike. And of course, as you would expect, within about two minutes, I stepped in a big sloshy, marshy pit of water-logged grass and soaked my tennis shoe. I had thought about wearing my boots, but didn’t think that would be necessary because we were walking on an easy boardwalk–that we had walked on yesterday with no problems while wearing tennis shoes. I told my sister we needed to go back to the hotel to change shoes and socks. She is so mean! She said that I would have to go back by myself because she was doing the hike. Of course, within another minute, her shoe was wet, too. Ha ha.

It was only a kilometer, so we stuck it out. With squishy socks and shoes. I just kept stepping in water. It was unavoidable. It would have been the perfect day to where my hiking boots. At least I was wearing high-quality socks–no blisters!

Once again, when we got to the end of the trail, there were icebergs and mosquitoes. It was a nice view that made up for the squishy shoes. So my advice to you is, wear your boots! Even if you think you are going to be walking only on a wooden boardwalk because you may end up walking a bonus, one kilometer trail and getting your feet wet.

Second verse, same as the first. I’m Henry the 8th I am…. What are the rest of the words? My father would be so appalled that I have forgotten the lyrics.

So, after our “rigorous” hike through mud and slushy mosquito infested lands, we were in desperate need of sustenance. Local delicacies were in order! We decided to go for Musk ox burgers! So odd, that you can get a hamburger and call it a local delicacy because it is musk ox and not beef. I mean, it came with French fries and a drink. That’s the full meal deal!

My take on musk ox– I liked it. The hamburger patty was a little looser and more crumbly than an American burger, but that could be how they process their meat. The flavor was good. Not too gamey. Just an unusual hamburger flavor. And a bit greasy. Of course, the thousand island dressing was a nice use of condiments.

Then we were off to the sauna! Yes, we went hiking with our bathing suits and flip flops in our bags–this we knew to prepare for, unlike the mud. We booked a sauna because I had seen a photo on Instagram– a sauna with a view. And it looked magical! Of course, it would be even more magical if I understood saunas. The room was heated to a toasty 82 degrees. They use Celsius over here. So, that is hotter than hot. It is like 150 Fahrenheit. My body was not made for that kind of heat! And, there is this bucket of water you can mix with essential oils and pour over the hot coals. You know what that does? It makes it hotter! Yikes! But, if it gets too hot, there is a tank of ice cold water outside to dunk your clammy, sweaty body in. So, then, your body is burning up, but your toes are so cold that they might just fall off from frostbite. Surprisingly, the 50 degree air outside was quite comfortable, even in a wet suit! So, we went back and forth, back and forth. For an hour. We tried to get some good pics, but no one looks good in 150 degrees–you get all flushed. It was quite the experience! And you are just a silhouette if you take a picture in front of the window and breathtaking view.

Remember those wet shoes and socks? We put them in the sauna! Genius! By the time we left, our socks and tennisshoes were no longer sloshy–just damp! Which turned out to be a good thing because we couldn’t find a taxi when we left the sauna and wound up walking all over town trying to find one. There was no one at the sauna to call a taxi for us when we were done. We were there all alone. We really wanted to splurge on a taxi instead of taking the City Bus, or worse yet, walking. Unfortunately, we had to walk a bit to get to the taxi stand. It was the busy time of day, so even at the taxi stand, we could not manage to hail a taxi, and a nice Greenlandic man was showing us how to call for a taxi when one pulled up. I was so relieved to hop into the back of that ooverpriced conveyance for my 4 minute ride back to the hotel.

After the day’s many adventures, there was no way I was leaving the hotel again that night. I just didn’t have it in me. We decided to eat in the hotel. Talk about expensive. Every dish was some type of fish or seafood except one–the Arctic burger.

What is the Arctic Burger you ask? It’s a burger made of a blend of musk ox, reindeer, and lamb. It was significantly more expensive than our musk ox lunch burger at 265 kroner which currently equates to $41 because the value of the dollar sucks right now and just keeps getting worse. When I was researching where to eat on this trip about 2 months ago, 265 kroner was about $37. I digress, this burger tasted less like a regular Angus Beef burger than the plain musk ox did. I think it just had a lot more lamb in it than it did musk ox and reindeer. Or maybe the reindeer just has a very strong flavor. It was OK, but not as good as the musk ox. I’d rate it 3.5 stars on a 5 star scale.

And there you have Day 3 in Greenland!

Love,

thetwinsontour

PS don’t forget to follow thetwinsontour on TikTok.

Well, the trip has just begun, and we are already behind. Show of hands, who is surprised by this? So, time for a succinct synopsis. Greenland is great. Done!

Until tomorrow!

Oh, wait. You want details? Demanding, aren’t you?

So, Day 1 doesn’t really count. That was just flying to Greenland. The flight itself was only 4 hours from Newark. But this new airport is too small! There are no landing bridges, so you will always have to climb down stairs like you are in the tropics or Air Force 1 regardless of winter weather. Good thing we are here in July. Also, the passport control line was out of control. They did not build the waiting area big enough for a plane full of people to fit inside. We were queuing up outside the building! It was wild. Again, I don’t know what you would do in bad weather.

After we made it through customs, it was off to the hotel. We had seen a café 2 doors down and were heading there for dinner, when out of the corner of our eye, we spied a glorious sight: Thai Food! Yep! Our first meal in Greenland was Pad Thai. It was so good, I could have eaten 2 plates.

After stuffing ourselves full of Pad Thai, we strolled around Nuuk. It was 9 o’clock at night, and the sun was shining bright. We needed to stretch our bones (is it possible to stretch bones?) and get a few steps in before bed because we had an early morning wake-up call to look forward to. The airport shuttle was coming for us at 5am. Of course, breakfast wasn’t until 6. So, once again, we got cheated out of an included meal and had to settle for airport breakfast fare.

However, these early morning shenanigans meant we got into Ilulissat at 8am! The hotel was like a 5 minute drive from the airport. But, we go to check-in, and the lady told us we had to wait until 3pm because that’s when they start check-in. She told me to sit down and wait. I asked her what I was supposed to do, and she just shrugged. Luckily, the other receptionist told us there’s free Wi-Fi and the restaurant opens at noon. I stared at her blankly and asked what we could do instead. Then she told us about going to town on the “City Bus.” It runs every 30 minutes, and one of the stops is the hotel parking lot. It costs 15 kroner (about $2.34 c/urrently), and they only take credit card. She told us to get off in the city center, which we will know because there’s a “blue building.” But, umm, every other building is blue. At least 3 stops in a row were at blue buildings. And nothing looked promising. We finally got off in front of a grocery store, which was also blue. We went inside and got some snacks! Then we started wandering. Fellow bus riders suggested we get off at that particular blue building and head for a view of the Icebergs. So, we did!

Along the way, we found the sled dogs. Gonna throw in some details I have gleaned since then. There are 5,000 people in Ilulissat and 3,000 dogs. These are working dogs. Never pets. Never do they get bomb pops or to go for car rides for pup cups at the coffee shop, or to recycle glass. These dogs are chained up and separated from one another. Per Greenlandic law, all dogs over 6 months must be chained. Puppies are allowed to roam free, but they just lay there and sleep. Some have dog houses. Some have pallets. Some have nothing. They are purebred Greenlandic Huskies. To protect the breed, no dogs can be imported. That means there are no labradoodles, no chihuahuas, no pugs, no Artichokes… And if the dogs leave Greenland, it is permanent exile–they can never come back. You aren’t allowed to pet the dogs, but really, they stink. Not to mention, they need a good brushing and a bath. But, if one of them bites you, they have to put down the whole pack. They are worried that YOU might pass disease to the dogs and wipe them all out. And, rumor has it they only eat 1 -2 times a week in the summer! All they are doing is laying around in the summer, not burning calories. Can you imagine if Artie Girl was fed 2x a week instead of 2x a day?! She starts following me around the house at 3:30, giving me the eye at 4:00, and pawing at my leg at 4:27. Meal time is serious business in our household!

Ok, sorry. Easily distracted by dogs. Anyways, there is a lovely boardwalk trail that meanders through some verdant marshes. You have to stay on the path to avoid killing the native plants, grasses, mosses, and other flora. They have a short growing season, so flora needs all the help it can get. And, the best part? It is a UNESCO World Heritage Sight! (I know this because there was a plaque in the boardwalk that said so.) We knew that we had a tour to walk the same path the next day, but figured this way we could at least get our pictures and selfies done in advance without annoying people getting in the way and so that we wouldn’t be rushed on our tour. It was a great plan. Because, you all know, I love a good selfie! Planning the perfect photo and relaying your vision to your sister takes time. A whole lot of precious time.

Where does this amazingly well-maintained, Unesco-protected boardwalk go you ask? Well, to those icebergs floating around in the icefjord. And they were amazing and beautiful and all the things. The only bad part was the mosquitos. Sorry to offend your beloved beliefs of entomology, but yes, there are indeed mosquitos in Greenland.

We had read about the mosquitos and added mosquito head nets to our Amazon cart months ago. We even brought them to Greenland, but had no idea we should have dug them out from the depths of our suitcases before leaving them in the luggage storage room. Those mosquitos were fierce–swarming around my face and flying up my nose.You can’t even imagine the sheer quantity of bugs flying around. It’s unfathomable.   Miracously, I have yet to get a bug bite. I get more bug bites on a Monday night watering my mother’s flowers.

 This is not short, sorry. I’ll do better.

Lunch: Pizza. Not brave enough to try the reindeer pizza. Got Hawaiian and New York instead.

Afterenoon: City walking tour. Walked around the town.  Our guide is just here working for the summer from Denmark. He suggested we google things for more information, so you can do that too. 

Finally, able to head back to hotel since it is well past 3pm now. Short nap because so, so, so sleepy.

7pm alarm clock wakes me up. Time to prepare for evening icefjord cruise. Hit snooze several times.

8:11 pm catch City Bus back to town.

8:30pm meeting time for icefjord cruise

9pm departure

Might need a few more words to adequately describe the majestic, awe-inspirigness of the icefjord. Or a ghost writer. I have been watching instagram videos of big words that I should work into my everyday conversations but can’t think of any at the moment.

The boat was fully covered, but you could also go outside on the deck. I had thought we were travelling far afield, but we just hung a quick left and meandered through the icebergs that we had seen earlier in the day through a mist of mosquitoes. There were so many icebergs! Just, like, floating there in the ocean like they aren’t some kind of pre-historic monstrosity. Each one more craggy and jagged than the last. But some looking super smooth like the edges were cut with a cheese slicer. They say it will take the really big hunks of icebergs about 5 years to melt into nothingness, but I don’t know about that. Some of the icebergs are brown and dirty looking, but that is not from pollution. Nope. That is from the sediment of the ocean bottom. When they get top heavy and start doing backflips and cartwheels and fighting with their neighbors, they scrape along the bottom of the seabed and get all dirty. Of course, some could also be sediment lines indicative of volcanic action eons ago. I really don’t understand the minituae of all that, but I am like a sponge, just sucking up all the knowledge that I can and relaying it to my faithful readers.

And, of course, this was a midnight cruise. We are above the Arctic Circle. In the summer. There are 24 hours of daylight. I had to wear my sunglasses at midnight because of the strong glare of the sun off the surface of the ocean and the icebergs. I just kept snapping pictures. And more pictures.

You know the problem with a midnight cruise? It ends at midnight. And, guess what? At midnight there is no City Bus to take you back to the hotel. No shuttle. Not a taxi to be seen. Good thing I took that power nap! And it was broad daylight. Because, you got it, I started walking back towards the hotel. There really was no other option. Luckily, about 3 minutes in, lo and behold, a taxi came flying down the hill. I waved my hand at him so fast, but he just kept on going. Boo hiss. But, I think his reflexes were delayed. He slammed on his brakes so hard. We jumped into that taxi, and 3 minutes and $12 later we were back at the hotel. Best $12 I ever spent!

Of course, I am like a little kid–can’t go to bed if it isn’t dark yet. I was ready to party! Well, at least play on my phone for hours. 24 hour daylight is havoc on the sleep schedule.

Ok, this was supposed to be brief and cover days 1-3. Oops. Not brief. Nor did we discuss day 3. Saving that for the next installment.

Toodles!

thetwinsontour

PS. Forgot to mention that we are staying in the only 4 star hotel north of the Arctic Circle in the whole world.

Why Greenland? The easy answer is because we’ve never been there. The longer answer is because Greenland just finished building a new international airport in November, and as of June, it is now possible to fly direct from Newark to Nuuk. Previously, the only way to get to Greenland was via Reykjavik, Iceland, or Copenhagen, Denmark–a daunting, time-consuming journey for someone from Kansas City. The actual answer is much more complicated. Thinking about Greenland just makes me giddy and elated–like my heart is full of helium and will just float out of my chest if I am not careful. I still can’t believe all the stars aligned to bring my most enduring travel desires to fruition. I’ve dreamed of this for so long, but it was always too complicated and cost-prohibitive to even contemplate the possibilities. Unfortunately, it hasn’t gotten any more affordable, but I don’t let something trivial like money stop me anymore. I guess the first time that I realized it was “possible” to go to Greenland was when we were visiting Iceland in November of 2011 (insert that fun fact about Iceland being green and Greenland being covered in ice that is not a fun fact because every single person and their cat named Steve knows this). We were flipping through the excursions binder at the hotel trying to plan our day, and there it was: Greenland. The mere idea of Greenland was outlandish and secretly thrilling. Tempting as it was, we did not have enough time or money to just flit over to Greenland for the day. I don’t even remember any of the details other than Greenland, but Greenland is all I need to know.

The cinematic classic, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty starring Ben Stiller also ignited our passion to visit Greenland. We may have been the only 3 people in the world to see it (we took Momma to see it on Christmas Day, 2013) because the rest of you were too traumatized to see it from being forced to read the story and watch the Danny Kay version during your 7th grade Unified Studies class. Anyways, there’s a scene where he goes to Greenland and rides a skateboard down this long empty road. It’s so beautiful and breathtaking and inspiring, I thought, if Walter Mitty can go ride a skateboard in Greenland, then so can I! Go to Greenland, I mean, not ride a skateboard. However, as I was searching for the clip on YouTube, I learned it was actually filmed in Iceland! I feel so betrayed!

Fast forward to the Fall of 2024. I remember laying in my bed (because this was just last fall, and my memory is not that bad), doomscrolling through Instagram when I first read about the new international airport in Nuuk that is big enough for international commercial jets to land, about the first ever direct flights from the US. I remember yelling for my sister to quit talking to Artichoke in the hallway and come talk to me instead. I remember her sticking her head in the door with an annoyed what do you want? I remember breathlessly telling her about Greenland. And that’s all she needed to hear. One magic word: Greenland.

It was decided, we WOULD be going to Greenland in 2025, no ifs, ands, or buts. The very next day, and many days thereafter, we started reading blogs about visiting Greenland and looking for tour companies. Within no time, we had this trip booked.

And that’s how we are headed to Greenland.

Love, the twinsontour

PS. I would like to point out, we are world famous bloggers! There are 12 people that follow our wordpress blog. Twelve has always been my lucky number! But seriously, only 12? What is wrong with you people? I’m going to need a few more of you to subscribe if I am ever going to be able to quit my day job and pursue my dreams to travel the world eating exotic candy and cookies.

Footnote: I  just learned this last week, and confirmed per the Google, Air Greenland did have a direct flight from Baltimore during the summer of 2007.  So, for just one summer 18 years ago, it was possible to fly direct from the US to Greenland. Needless to say, I missed out on that opportunity.