Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico

Thetwinsontour are in Puerto Rico with momma, so this is the first official installment of thetwinsontourwithmom.

Ooh what fun it is to travel with mom. At all of the restaurants they hand her the check. Yes! But she just stares at it and hands it to me. No! Where is the justice in this world? Like right now I am laying on the beach, lathered up in sunscreen, wearing my big hat, and it is raining on me. The sun is shining, the clouds look harmless, and I am getting wet. What is with that? If this continues too much longer, I might have to seek shelter. In a bar. And drown my sorrows in a piña colada or two. But I paid $4 to rent my lawn chair. It is going to take a monsoon to get me out of here! Unless they are really good piña coladas. Then it might not take much rain.

Fortunately the rain has subsided now and the sun is shining, so I have the chance to work on my farmers tan and turn red as a lobster. Oh, what good times. And, in case you are wondering, we did get mom into a swimsuit. She actually took off her johnson county old settlers shirt and is lounging around in her swimsuit. I don’t think I have seen my mother in a swimsuit since 1983. I may have gotten her into a swimsuit, but there is no way I am getting her into the water.

I just got dive bombed by a flock of blood thirsty pigeons. Luckily for all of you, I survived unscathed and am able to continue writing this missive. I didn’t get pooped on and I still have both of my eyeballs. In my head. You are very lucky indeed. Because I have nothing else to write but am going to continue rambling on about pure nonsensical madness until my brain runs dry.

Okay. That is about it for my rambling. If I knew the words I would quote a few Ricky Nelson song lyrics from rambling man. You are just going to have to google those yourself. Maybe watch a YouTube video or something. Once you finish reading this literary masterpiece of course. Can you believe I haven’t had a single piña colada all day? I had 3 last night, but none yet today. I have a lot of catching up to do.

My mother and sister left me guarding the lawn chairs while they went out in search of sustenance. They were either going for Gatorade or coconut milk. It has been a while. Maybe they have to climb the palm tree and pick the coconut themselves. I haven’t seen any monkeys here to do it for them. Just pigeons. And I don’t think pigeons pick coconuts from trees. And my sister never did manage to climb that rope in elementary pe class. Of course, neither did I. We are not climbers. It goes without saying that my mother isn’t either, even if she is wearing a really awesome hat.

So, if you really want to know the story behind the really awesome hats, I will tell you. Since you asked. Where does everything awesome come from? Right. Kohls! Speaking of which, I heard there is a sale there today. And I am missing it. Shucky darn! Oh well. Guess I will have to wait until next week. But I was really talking about the awesome big hats. Mostly they are awesome because we got them for 90% off. Quite the deal! A really awesome hat for less than 4 bucks? That I can wear on the beach and not feel guilty about leaving it behind even if hoarding is in my veins?! Or if it blows off in a gust of wind and nearly washes out to sea. What an awesome hat!

We did talk my mother into getting her feet in the ocean. It was a near tragedy. She stood there with her feet in the sand and the water gently lapping at her feet. In comes one wave, and as she is watching it recede, she starts to stumble and nearly topple over from the dizziness. Of one wave. Not 3 or 4, but one. My mother would have been washed out to sea and she wasn’t even wearing her really awesome hat to use as a flotation device. I sent her back to her chair after that. Her swim suit didn’t even get wet, except for a few raindrops. She now has her johnson county old settlers tshirt back on and seems very content.

That is our day so far. Time to shower and get all of this sand off me.

Tonight: fun with Javier. My own former farmers employee tour guide. I hope Javier is ready for thetwinsontourwithmom. It is gonna be great!

That is all for now,
Thetwinsontouraretryingtokeepm omalive